Yes I am scared of ghosts.

But who isn't. One time I was in camp, I think I must have been about 12. Anyway I went into the bushes to drain the main vain while everyone else was at the campfire and I swear to g-d I saw a ghost. It was huge, covered in hair, had huge claws, and big nasty teeth. It stood up on it's hind....oh I thought you said bears.

fire fire burning bright

Do you know anything about the forests of the night? I don't. I just sit here alone reading old poems. One time a read a poem about this shark named Sharkface. Or was that a movie I saw. I don't know. This stupid and meta. Holy cheese theres a tiger!

Sharkface

In the new england town of Lamityville, where the summers ment tourism and tourism ment money, a great white named Sharkface started eating people. The town sherif, a shark hunter, and Richard Dryfus got on a boat and tried to kill Sharkface. In the ned they were eaten by Jaws.

Industry Heros

Dr. Regulation was up to his old tricks in Capitalism city redistributing the wealth until up in the sky shined the light of industry. Suddenly there on the scene were the Industry Heros! Captain Coal and Big Banking! Together with they're powers of lobbying they sent the Dr. packing.

Fairy story

Once there was a little girl who lived on a farm with her step mother and her two wicked step sisters. She climbed a magic beanstalk and met she met seven dwarves. They gave her a frog which she kissed and it turned into a beast who fell asleep for a hundred years. They all lived happily ever after.

Fisherman's Fairytale

Accidentally dropping the ring in the lake seemed to have cursed their life. The once happy couple became miserable. Today a small fish caught on the end of his line, and he took it home for his wife to cook it. As she opened the fish, there was no ring!

More Drastic Mind Alteration

While dancing at a wedding party a friend inconspicuously put a little bag in his hand. The warning said “Unwanted Or Unnecessary Bonds” but that didn’t stop him from trying it. Next morning he woke up, puzzled, to a ton of messages from unknown contacts, calling him by unjustified nicknames.

Heart Of Change

He is not passionate about many things. But this ‘contact sport’ of challenging a beast with thousands of spectators closely watching gave him a rush, more of a high. When a strong bull charges at him, he beats panic with elegance. He is extremely talented… born to be a matador.

Change of Heart

He is a matador, watching this bullfight at the bar instead of being in it. This time something changed his mind more than a bull’s horn in his thigh ever did. Suddenly he gets his phone out, retires from work and makes a huge donation to the Animal Rights’ Foundation!

Jack, a Morning Person ?

While having breakfast at the deli, Jack observes a couple’s romantic conversation! They’re holding hands and looking in the eye while cheese oozes out of the toast in the plate. Jack being the extremely rude guy he is: “I think I’m going to puke!” but only whispers it to himself.

Life

He tried to find ways to forgive her but couldn’t find one. She kept talking through the tears while he just stood there dazed. There were many things he could forgive but infidelity was not one of them. He placed his wedding ring on the nightstand and just walked away.

Free

Charles had always wanted a tattoo. He never had the balls to get one though. He knew if he wanted to get into Nicole’s pants he’d have to get one. The design was on his arm and the needle struck his skin. Pain ran through his body. He felt free.

Just like that

Jeremy went for a walk after a tough day. He looked at the sky and took a deep breath. Suddenly he felt this feeling of happiness and fulfillment inside him. The world was his to take and nothing could stand in his way. He felt a blade penetrate his flesh.

Frenemies #10

Hector and Pepe had some epic ping pong battles during the quarter. Pepe had won all of them but Hector was determined. The game was too majestic for words and in the end Hector came out the victor. He went over to shake Pepe’s hand but Pepe just walked away.

Pepe Le Douche

Pepe and Stacy had been friends for a while. They talked a lot and took walks together constantly. Pepe knew Stacy was kind of seeing someone but didn’t care. One day after one of their walks Pepe tried to kiss Stacy. She pushed him away and walked away. Typical Pepe.

Mad

He never knew he could be such a tool. Something took a hold of him that day. His tongue just kept going, and his arms just kept moving. His rage took over him; he couldn’t let go- he was in a cage. Until it came, that slap on his face.

Tales

He sniffed his ears, sniffed his toes, sniffed his back and saw his hairs arose. Slowly made his way around, looking at the ground, and found the smell under his tail. Both walked two circles, each sniffing each other’s and finally recognized that they were brothers! The fun had begun.

LOL

Pepe read the stories and laughed. He knew the stories were technically against the rules, and everything he stood for, but he still found enjoyment in the quirky nonsense. Particularly the stories with words and characters. So he laughed and laughed until there were fifty English words on the page.

Frenemies #9

The time to submit was upon them. Hector and Pepe had but a few minutes to upload their contest videos. Hector read the brief so he knew exactly what he had to do. Pepe did not read the brief and struggled miserably. They wagered on whom’s method worked. Hector won.

Next Generation

Strangers went to orientation for the start of a new journey. They met four times a week and were forced to work with each other. Two months have passed and bonds have been created. A pair was chosen to lead the next pack of strangers in their incredible new journey.

Frenemies #8

It was Saturday night and Hector wanted to go out. He was happy to get a text from his “friend” Pepe saying he should head over to their favorite bar. When Hector arrived he was surprised to see that Pepe was not there. Hector called his friend but no answer.

Frenemies #7

Class had just ended and the boys decided to go watch the game at Dewey’s. Pepe told his friends to wait for him at the bar while he ran an errand. They waited and waited for Pepe to show up but he never did. He was never invited again. Douche.

At War

Puerto Rico has always been a peaceful place. On a Tuesday night PR got a note from Germany. The note said Germany wanted war because they didn’t like the way PR went about their business. PR decided to sit down with Germany and talk it out. They ended up drunk.

Frenemies #6

Andy and Hector had worked very hard on their AT&T commercial. Just after they presented their commercial in front of the whole class Pepe started to laugh. He laughed and laughed until the teacher made him stop. The class decided to throw Pepe out of the classroom. What a douche.

Hector Goes to Hell

This is the story of Hector Bauza, bad as Charlie. This isn't really a story, but a tirade aimed at his insolence. Hey, Hector: FUCK YOU. I told you not to post multiple stories today, but you did it anyway. You are a rule-breaker, and for that, your grade will be affected. Nour, take note!

Frenemies #5

Pepe and Hector had been planning a trip to Disney World for a while. Hector had been saving whatever money he could spare for the trip. On the night before they left Pepe decided to blow the trip money on women and booze. Hector was crushed while Pepe drunkenly slept.

Frenemies #4

Ashley and Hector had been dating for a while. One day Pepe decided that he could not contain his love for Ashley and spilled his feelings for her. Ashley, after telling Pepe she didn’t feel the same way, told Hector of his friends unforgiveable act. Pepe proved to be a snake.

Frenemies #3

Hector always enjoyed playing ping with his friends. One day he saw this depressed young lawyer siting by himself at school. Hector decided to extend the hand of friendship to Pepe. When it was said and done Pepe had taken the magical experience out of ping-pong for Hector forever.

Frenemies #2

Hector and Pepe met at orientation. They became inseparable. One day Hector got assigned a project for a class. He asked Pepe for help but Pepe refused. A young German called Andrew saw a person in need and stepped up to the plate. The rest is history, just like Pepe.

Frenemies #1

Pepe had always had a thing for Kelly. A week before they left for quarter away Pepe decided to tell Kelly how he felt. Speech in hand he made his way to her house. Just as Pepe was about to knock on the door he heard Hector’s voice and kissing.

The Infinite Tale Experiement

Time wore down and out. It was, perhaps, inevitable. Seven students congregating on the eve of each Tuesday. Trying to learn. Trying to hone their craft. But have they grasped what makes a story? Have they discovered the beginning, the middle, and, most importantly, the end? My sources are inconclusive.

Value For Money

There’s a down side to buying a cheap phone.

He had this 30-minute conversation and now it feels like his head is going to explode.

If he were to do it all over again would he change anything?

Maybe he’d still have a cheap phone but not the long conversation.

Dogdays

He’s a hardworking man. He put his bag down and took his watch off. He placed his pack of cigarettes and his lighter on the commode. He hung his suit in the closet. He’s been daydreaming about this at work, about when he’d actually get in bed for real dreaming.

Retired Smart Asses

They meet at Starbucks for their weekly challenge. After ordering their coffee, they bring out the clock and board. They arrange their pieces, look to each other and they’re ready to start. Each plays his move and quickly taps the clock for the next. They trash talk, but gracefully. Checkmate!

In the Out Door

A second chance to become first is the unenviable mindset of the perpetual failure. Hunter was a man, and a loser. His life consistently underwhelmed and the blame was his alone. One day a door opened and he walked on through. Now he finds himself in another room, still a loser.

Royal Prize Package

Let all who cheer, Sir Charles-
Be quiet now and seated-
I sing now of the mission-
Our Hero’s just completed-
To find the Holy Grail-
He launched a big campaign-
An army he has driven back-
A dragon he has slain-
The King will reward him-
With daughters royal hand-
Plus one third of the kingdom-
And a car worth seven grand.

Don't Have Daughters

Earl, the father of Jane, 16, was once champion of all dads. Great love, play, times. Jane grew up at 13 and things got complicated. Earl resisted and failed the temptation to look at Jane with eyes anew. Jane had her suspicions, re: this, but found the attention mildly arousing.

Oh No She Didn't

Sherry noticed a book on her co-workers desk that she read in college about a Korean family during World War II. Excited to talk about her common interest, she mentioned, “isn’t it terrible what the Japanese did to your country?” Sumi’s response was of course: “I’m actually Japanese.” Snap.

Once upon a time..

There were two little boys named Andy and Pepe. They loved poking this bear. They kept poking and poking until the bear turned around and said, "You know what? You are right." Shut up.

A Moral for Dreamers

Common sense does not deceive-
And when this fact is learned-
Reality and make-believe-
Are easily discerned.
To tell the two of them apart-
Gives Man a cause to ponder-
For if you can then you are smart-
And if you can't, you wander.

Silly Law

Pepe was the world’s youngest lawyer. Tried as he might all he could do was lie. He lost all of his friends and was sad all the time. Andy and Hector felt bad for him so they decided to help him overcome his problem. Pepe decided to leave New York.

Cautionary Childrens Tale

Bowser had a blog named Susan that he never fed on time. Dr. Da Silva told him that if he didn’t feed Susan fifty pellets everyday then she might not survive. But Bowser didn’t care, he gave her forty seven pellets one day, and didn’t feed her for weeks. Prick.

The King of Baltic

I love to play Monopoly. I want to own all the properties. I want to dominate the board so no one else can ever play. And if someone else is bold enough to challenge me, or stupid enough to play by the rules of the game, I will squash them!

On Time

Tina was always late for school. Tried as she might she could never arrive on time. She openly blamed her parents but deep down she knew it was her fault. Her friends wanted to help out so they took turns each morning going to her house and waking her up.

The Final Boss of Storywriting

On day I hope to run my own company, so no one can boss me around. No one can tell me that I have to do something on a certain day, or not at all. No one can criticize my approach or poor work ethic, cause I’ll be the boss, man!

I Deserve an A+

The don't rules apply to me. I do as I please. When someone says "Andy, don't do that," I think to myself 'self, why listen?' I drive over the speed limit. I drink on the streets. But most badass of all, I post all my stories in a blog way past due.

Boy and Dog

A boy and his dog took a walk on a lonely Halloween night. All the other children dressed in characters of the day but the boy was the best character of them all: himself. His dog played the role of the loyal companion while the other children reveled in the night.

Vacation

Allison had been waiting for this vacation a long time. Being a cop in NY is not easy; a trip to Jamaica was exactly what the doctor had ordered. Although she wanted to relax she could not shake the image of the man she had killed from her fractured mind.

Dry Lips

Charlie and Hanna sat on the bench gazing at the sunset. Hanna reached over and grabbed Charlie’s hand. Hanna wanted to be kissed but didn’t know how to approach it. She put on some chapstick and looked at Charlie. Charlie smiled and went for it. It was exactly as imagined.

50% match

Steven met Natalia at work. They were friends for a while but Steven always wanted to be more than a friend. He wanted to show her he was a good provider so he applied to the CIA in New York. His last night home he told her how he felt.

Bad political Commentary

Random acts of violence are not the same as acts of rebellion but tell that to Ronald Raite the boy that could smell them. He smelled Tunisia, Jordan, and Egypt too, the same way junkies sniff up glue. But alas could not tell them apart from the violence in Bahrain that smelled like fart.

Beliefs

I don't believe in writers block. I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in Santa Clause. I don't believe in Hell. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in Jamaica but here I am. Nobody believes in Cereal Sweepstakes but I won. Now everybody knows why Life Cereal is The Best Morning a Mom Can Give a Kid which I wrote but I still don't believe it.

Hana is 12

"I fuck you up!" Hana screamed, "I fuck you up!"
I put the chapstick back in her hand and she quit thrashing around in the car seat.
Dana and I got back in the car and continued driving north on the parkway, the snow hypnotizing us in the darkness.
What did Tolstoy say about family?

Dana

Whenever I wondered what Dana saw in me, and I wondered more than once, I always came back to the fact that she loved to read. She read everything every spare moment, a junkie for the printed word and lucky for me I manufactured her drug of choice. I wrote for her.

Icarus

A little red panda jumped from tree to tree, hoping to catch a glimpse of the lands around. No matter how high he got, he couldn’t seem to see. As he reached the very top of the tallest tree, he began to lose his balance and everything went terribly wrong.

Hiding in Plain Sight

He was once apprehended in Kingston, Jamaica, but the local authorities did not realize the capture on their hands. He was released after three days, for a price, as is custom. They were unknowingly selling at bargain prices, as the bounty on his head would’ve paid for a new prison.

Femine Chapstick

Hannah’s father was loyal to Carmex lipbalm. That rather unimpressed fact is one of the few memories she has of him. She in turn is loyal to Carmex users, as the mere sight of Chapstick conjures up images of everything that is less than manly. Her father was all man.

The Longer Lasting Romance

At 73, the doctor told him he had less than a month to live. It was his first doctors visit in over twenty years. When his widow was asked what prompted him to finally visit the doctor, she said she demanded the visit after they went a week without sex.

2740 mi

Two white plebs epitomize their love for each other through the animals left behind. They settle apart but keep the pets a common thread in a frayed relationship. A weird sense of hope surfaces on occasion before returning back down. Distance is a funny thing to consider when apart.

Luna

Luna was a playful little dog with a big problem. Whenever she played with other dogs and got exited she got gas. The other dogs just laughed at her and that hurt her feelings. One day she decided to let them know how she felt when they laughed at her.

Little sad Germany

Germany loved to socialize with other countries, especially the Spanish speaking ones. The problem was that Germany didn’t know Spanish. Hard as he tried he just couldn’t understand it. One day Latin America threw a party for Germany and gave him lessons. Germany practiced all the way home.

Au revoir

When Marcus went to Paris the last thing he expected to find was love. François had beautiful eyes and a perfect smile. They met on the train and spent the next week wrecking havoc through the city. Marcus felt like he would never meet another man like him ever again.

Job Well Done

Lulu opened the briefcase in the elevator. When the doors opened she started gunning down everything in sight. Bodies fell to the ground and blood ran wild on the floor. After running out of bullets she went to her bosses office and stood next to her lifeless body. “I quit.”

Romantics

Ashley met Robert at Wholefoods. The moment they locked eyes she knew he was the one. They went on a few dates and things moved really fast. A few months later Ashley came home to find the apartment full of candles and flowers. Robert was waiting for her kneeled down.

Mind over Matter

The United States and Mexico have never gotten along. After many years of negotiating they decided that it was time for war. Mexicans hated conflict so they decided to concentrate together at the same time to make an imaginary shield around their country to protect them from impending nuclear doom.

.Love

Jane loved Oscar. Why couldn’t her father understand that? They kept running through the jungle while being chased by Jane’s father and his men. She heard her father screaming but refused to listen to him. Oscar had led them to a dead end. She felt metal gripping her hand tightly.

Heartbreak

The relationship was falling apart. Eight years down the drain she thought. She stares at his picture and remembers how it used to be. Sadness fills her heart. Pepe Hernandez had changed for the worse. He was out of her life for good, maybe. It was time to start again.

Deadly Treat

Kenny put the candy bar in his pocket and ran out of the store. On the way home he devoured his illegally acquired treat and thought about how he would do it again tomorrow. He opened the fridge to find his mothers lifeless body stuffed inside with a bloody receipt.

This could happen to you

Fred met Amber at a bar. They danced for a while and, after Fred manned up, kissed. One blowjob and three traffic lights later they were back at his place. He went into the kitchen, she followed. Kissing ensued followed by him reaching under her skirt and finding a penis.

Hooray!

Wed- Romance
Thur- Any genre but with a character name: Hanna and a prop: Chapstick (lipbalm).
Fri- Any genre, setting: Jamaica
Mon- a children story
Tues- another children story

LULUs revenge

Lulu stood on a street corner holding a brief case. She would get her revenge on Charlie Schneider. The great Charlie Schneider. The world’s greatest lover who wouldn’t sleep with her again. She would show him who was crazy. She walked into his apartment building and the case exploded. The virus was released.

Children Love as Well

Gunter and Olga frolicked into the forest on a night of rising steam. They were but 12, yet lovers for half their lives. Not uncommon for them to venture past the threshold of the woods, tonight was different. No crumbs, no sweets, nor witches brew, their love, they claimed, was ever true.

The Multiple Bills Children's Story

The platypus told the duck they do not compare. The duck said au contraire mon platypus, we both lay eggs and have duck bills. The platypus said that's clearly false, ducks have wings and can fly, platypuses have legs and must walk. And, platypus added, I call it a platypus bill!

The bear that didn't like honey

Paul the bear never liked honey, no matter how hard his parents tried they couldn’t get him to eat it. A worried bee came and asked him why he didn’t like it; turns out sugar made his tummy hurt, so the pretty bee promised to find a solution for him.

Puff and the Technicolor Wooblerod

A wild blue dragon invented a small toy called a Wooblerod. The purpose of this toy was unknown at first to everyone but the dragon. The wild blue creature liked that he finally had a secret all to himself, but soon he began to lose all of his friends.

The Smelly Children's Story Dragon

Mary’s pet dragon smelled different than other dragons. Her friends would smell him and tease her, so she washed him and washed him but the smell wouldn't go away. He thought he smelled great so one day he ran away. Mary cried until she smelled him coming back to play.

Paris Will Kill Your Mother

Paris is known for horrific motorcycle accidents. Maybe it’s the cheap wine, or the crusty baguettes , but riders can’t seem to stay upright on two wheels. Pedestrians are the most common target for bikers. It’s a sick sad game. The Parisians are the worst in the world.

The Fight for Love

They had been growing apart for a few years now. Some days she felt like there was nothing left to do, so did he. But the flame wasn’t out yet, there was still a hint of love deep inside, they needed to fight for what they wanted, so they did.

Romance - The Linda Riss Story

He sent letters from prison explaining that it was love that compelled him to do it. They weren’t apologies, as he wasn’t sorry. The letters contained money, which she needed, as she couldn’t do much with her disfigured face. They got back together after his release. Maybe it was love.

Reference

Wed- Romance
Thur- Any genre but with a character name: Lulu and a prop: briefcase
Fri- Any genre, setting: Paris
Mon- a children story
Tues- another children story

Fantasy

From midtown, the 100-foot fortress wall made it so that you couldn’t see the sun until nearly noon. This was a small price to pay for the peace of mind of knowing you were safe from the hermeliorites, who could only fly up to 50 feet. Curse their inventor.

Sci-Fi is for Futuristic Perverts

Jude Law became a robot sex slave on the eve of Christmas, 2014. He was mechanically altered following a severe motorcycle accident. Planetary savior was of little concern when women of the future demand hot robot intercourse. Over the next several years, robotic Jude Law satisfied more that 12,000 women.

Fantasy is for Losers

The Wicked Wizard in the Wind blew black smoke all over the bright blue town on the lake. For months the maniacal mage bombarded the hapless people, forcing them underwater and subjecting them to a bleak subterranean life so distant from the norm. One day the smoke cleared and all rejoiced.

No more words left

They both started dancing the Vietnamese ball in the middle of central park on a particularly windy evening, time had seem to stop; they knew their marriage was over, but for the sake of old times, it deserved one last dance, as soon the music was over, so were them.

Drama

The two princes held the only legitimate claims to the throne. Selecting the next king involved one of the princes dying. The citizens choose sides, and ultimately, both princes died. The next in line was a toddler, but the princess stabbed him, and that is how she became the Queen.

Last bloody breath

She felt the breath on her neck, but didn’t dare to look back; her time had come, so she screamed her lungs out with hopes of being heard, after all, what did she have to loose? Her cry for help was stopped short by the blood dripping down her fingertips.

Horror

When he arrived home, the oldest child, Jacob, was trembling. A group approached the children earlier in the day, and Jacob confronted them. He assured Jacob that everything would be alright, but he also needed assurance. That night he didn’t sleep, but it could not save his family.

Overheard through my apartment walls, or why I don't sleep.

Don’t make me get the dogs. The dogs bite. The dogs claw. The dogs leave scars. I don’t leave scars. I just leave memories…
And a few scars.
Do you think you are the first girl I brought here? The first who got into the van?
So lie still and I’ll begin.

Thalidomide

There was a brutal silence in the room. A weak exhale was the only sound for days. Not a cry was a strange curiosity and the cure to a disorder hardly diagnosed and mistreated lead to a hush in the room. A young couple embraced and prayed for the departed.

Comedy

A man walked into a bar and asked the bartender for the time. The bartender said the bar didn’t have any clocks. The man asked how the bartender knew when to open and close. The bartender said that he looked at his watch. The man looked confused. The bartender didn't.

Allegoricomedy

A interrupts B:“ Wanna hear the story about a fly?”

B:“Umm…Sure.”

A:“Wanna hear the story about a fly?”

B:”Yes!”

A:”Wanna hear the story about a fly?”

B:”NO!”

A, pauses then asks:”So you wanna hear the story about a fly?”

B is losing patience.

A:”Wanna hear the story about a fly?”

Assy McDog

You know when dogs drag their ass across the carpet? I used to have one of those. Anytime company would come over, without a doubt, he would drop ass and scoot across the floor with a focused look. “Don’t fuck with me, boss” he must have thought, “I’m getting’ shit done!”

Sky High

The feathers on her wings were starting to fall, as she danced around from cloud to cloud. It had been a while since she’d been to earth, and she had no desire to go back. But she didn’t have a choice, the effect was wearing off, she needed more elixir.

UFO

The dogs had been barking all night long, after the cops didn’t show, he decided to check it out. He could not distinguish if it was a male or a female, but he was sure it was not from this planet. He assumed it was dead, until it’s eyes opened.

Hate

They couldn’t take it anymore, so they started kissing passionately in the middle of the plaza, as women in burqa’s and angry men began shouting at them. They were pulled away from each other and taken to different corners while the merciless crowd started to stone them. They had won.

Enough

She had enough, the last time they had an argument she ended up with a broken nose. He had fallen asleep, like she expected; she pulled out the revolver from the drawer, pointed the gun at him and fired; he turned around and smiled, with the bullets on his hand.

Damsel in distress

Flawlessly dressed in white, she couldn’t help but notice all of the looks she was getting, these looks were different than the others; people were laughing instead of admiring her. She didn’t let it get to her until a strange women walked up to her and handed her a tampon.

What's the best song to have sex to?

Hey baby, you from around here? Neither am I. I'm from New York, London, and Carmaahra. What? Yeah, most people don't know about it, you need to be rich. Do you come here often? I do. I have my butler drive me to my private jet which takes me to Kansas City, where I jump on my super fast motor cycle and come to this TGIFriday. Hey I have a question for you....

With all respects to HPL

As I sit and type with fear. Darkness creeps its way here. A darkness wrapped in horror’s hood, festooned with the devil’s idea of good. It’s many claws and many beaks coming to scavenge the carnage that it wreaks. Throw open the windows, it’s here at last, C’thulu comes, the die is cast.

Magic stood forever

Born of fiction and living in reality. Until a deluge of science and skepticism began to drown the fantasy. Now again and again the terrible sword rises and falls gleaming wet in the sunlight and above the roar of the waters, and the clashing of arms can be heard, fictions ringing battle cry, “Forever, magic stands!”

Don't interrupt the ants

Don’t interrupt the ants. They know what they are doing. Don’t interrupt the ants. They know what they are building. Don’t interrupt the ants. They do their work and we do ours. Don’t interrupt the ants. We didn’t fight. Don’t interrupt the ants. There’s a reason they are in charge.

Brother's Drama over AIM

Cberger28: It’s a different world but I can’t stay there and keep everyone happy
Zman87: I admire you. You don’t get stuck you put everything out there and don’t worry about what comes next. I worry a lot about getting stuck.
Cberger28: Sorry but you gotta get stuck, you’re the glue

Phantasia

Kindling is lit under a wrought iron caldron. Various components added. Men sacrificed. A smoking brew of antiquity will feed the bowels unfortunate enough to venture into these woods. A foregone soul of alchemy contrives liquid refections for those not on their way to battle, but to the grave.

All Fantasies Include the Assumption of Free Laundry

Eva has been getting on my last nerve. Ever since she divorced Tony, she’s been texting me non-stop. I’m all like, “listen we’re not exclusive.” But she doesn’t want to hear it. That’s why I’m all about Megan Fox right now. She understands boundaries, and she does my laundry.

That Funny Way That The World Will End

The apocalyptic black hole started in a CalTech laboratory, a hydrogen collision canister mishap. It will eventually swallow Earth and the Milky Way galaxy in their entireties. But now it’s just funny. How it expands so slow. Did you see that video with the scientists dancing around it? How silly.

Mans Best Friend

Andrew got Charlie when he was only a puppy. They always had a strong bond and looked out for each other. One day Andrew woke to find Charlie lying next to him soaked in blood. “You are in terrible danger Andrew!” Charlie died but left a note with survival instructions.

Mans Best Friend

Andrew got Charlie when he was only a puppy. They always had a strong bond and looked out for each other. One day Andrew woke to find Charlie lying next to him soaked in blood. “You are in terrible danger Andrew!” Charlie died but left a note with survival instructions.

Big Bang

It’s tired of being lonely. Your own thought’s can only entertain you for so long. The idea of suicide has been growing in its mind more and more. The silence tears at its sanity nonstop. One day it could no longer take it and exploded. So the universe was created.

Normal Family

Sandra sat at the table staring at her plate. Her appetite had vanished. Suddenly her mother stood up and stormed off with her hands on her face. Dad got up and shouted; “come back here woman, this is a family dinner!” Tears fall on Sandra’s chicken as her mother screams.

Last Breath

Angela woke up and found herself lying in a coffin. The stars were out that night. She tried to get up but she couldn’t move. A man appeared over her and asked: “enjoying the view love?” They locked eyes. “Soak it in ‘cause it’s the last time you’ll see it.”

Sci Fi Based on a True Story

Never expecting that life on Mars would require such unbearable re-formating of their consciousness, they both started doubting their decision of getting on that cruise. Inevitably, everything now could just be anything else. Leaving Earth to have their honeymoon isn’t what it seemed to be. Visibly, neither is the moon.

Bravo

Oh no she didn’t. Oh no she *bleep* didn't. *Bleep* must be crazy. I am NOT the one to *bleep* with. Mess around with my man and I’ll a cut a *bleep" real quick. I don’t give a *bleep* if she IS my sister, I keeps it real like that.

Two Convicts in the Night

The doors were unlocked, as expected in rural Kansas, and they entered looking for what wasn’t there. They tied up the mother, who no longer slept with the father. They only woke him after tying up the daughter and son too. He didn’t have what they wanted, so he died.

Homework Drama

They say the world is like a cucumber; one day it’s in your salad, one day it’s up your ass. It’s life. Like when Sneider and Carlos agreed to meet at 1pm... But Katie needed to meet with Sneider, so he canceled on Carlos. Then later Katie canceled on Sneider...

Other Side of the Abyss

Two black holes met on a night outside Andromeda. Electric charges, tugging and pulling at each other with great forces of gravity in love. And as their radiance could not sustain, the holes slowly collapsed in upon themselves. A dark night in the outer reaches left a blank romance for eternity.

Happens to everyone

Drinks and pleasantries are exchanged. She hasn’t gotten laid in months. They take a cab back to his place. The time for small talk is over. Lips meet and clothes come off. She closes the bedroom door and turns off the light. Let the adventure begin. No liftoff, too drunk.

Insectophobia

He’s stuck in the elevator. It’s dark and suffocating. Squeaky noises. Something’s crawling up his leg, body, even his skull. He’s banging the floor and hitting the walls of the dark elevator to shake the hot and cold bugs off. The electricity is back. It was all in his head.

Peculiar Night Hobbies...

Once upon a time there was a guy called Bowser, and he gave the best nickname to a guy named, "The Vulture". The Vulture usually lurks and roams, and his night hobby is to block cocks from their natural habitat. No way you can score when the vulture is around.

The Typical Soap Opera

She couldn’t bear to see his face again. He’d done it, regardless of the fact that she was pregnant. He came back at eight in the morning, smelling of alcohol, and had fallen asleep on the couch. She woke him and calmly whispered, “I never want to see you again”.

Boo!

After he drank it, he blacked out. When he opened his eyes, he saw his trembling three-year-old daughter- an ax right to her throat and a voice, threatening to cut her head off if he didn’t tell him where it was. Something flipped in his mind, and he lost control.

Dumb Blonde

She was rushing. It had taken the valet thirty minutes to find her car. “What is this?” she thought, “ This music sucks and I don’t own CD’s. Maybe Dan put them in here”. By the second light she reached for her sunglasses and then realized the car wasn’t hers.

Comedy of Cockles

Old men have the saggiest balls. The degree to which the testicles of the elderly droop is no laughing matter. Marvin, 74, found nothing funny about his baggy scrotum. His, wife, Gloria, never liked his loose sack of marbles, no matter his age, but she’s dead now, so good for her.

Dramarama

A family of one sent out for a love and came back with a large charge. Three business days later a tight little package arrived, with Cyrillic scribblings and bold blue eyes. The new family of two doubled as the legs spread but all was not well in Alphaville, home of the mail-order heartbreak.

Horrorish

There are no borders for the altered state. Shadows cut a mean swath across roads lit by the disembarking souls of lingering nights. Miasmas of Hell pollute Miami on a day of refuse – roaches gorging on our wasted cadavers as the illuminated red exit sign flickers somewhere off in the distance.

Nice Try Pepe

Comedy - Wed
Horror - Thur
Drama - Fri
Sci-fiction - Mon
Fantasy - Tues

Now that's comedy.

Dirty

Paula took showers when she was bored. Then global warming made her feel guilty. She stopped. Then global warming backlash made her feel justified. She resumed. Then that night with Justin made showers feel dirty. She stopped. Then that night with Tom made showers feel dirty. She resumed.

Genres

Comedy - Wed
Horror - Thur
Drama - Fri
Sci-fiction - Mon
Fantasy - Tues

"And It Makes Me Wonder"

She loved him more than he loved himself, which made him question her feelings. She was as close to perfect as it could get, and he knew he didn’t deserve it. One day he left on a short trip and when he came back she was married. Who would’ve thought?

I Put It Back in the Box

I have a TV in my apartment I hadn't opened since I got here. I bought it at Best Buy and carried the 52-inch flat screen down five blocks and up three stories. I unpacked it today turned it on and watched ten minutes of cable news. Then what?

A Moral Tale for Children With Poor Hygiene

This tale concerns Sandy Mosh, who would not use a comb, or wash, or keep things neat: A slothful sullen slab of meat. Surrounded by buckets of KFC eating, and replacing the poultry for wee. She’d sit up late and watch the flickering TV box until she died of chicken-pox.

The Man I Once Knew

He sat there for such a long time. I would bring him coffee, and sometimes sit next to him, but we never exchanged a word. He held a sign warning of failure, but I never thought much of it. One day he stood, pressed his hand to his chest, and walked away.

Oranges in the Air

She loved the smell of rain in April. When the sun rose and hit the wet grass for the first time she would always get excited. But one Spring there was no rain and the girl grew sad. She lost a piece of herself on a small day in April.

A Politician Came to Town.

All the people gathered round and watched as he with a grin turned his own asshole in. Sideways they all turned their heads as he started shoving in his own legs. And when he had suck in every limb, the townsfolk shrugged and muttered, “I’d vote for him.”

SALOON SUCKERED BY SPACE SEAFOOD!

In the wild west of outer space: New Wyoming was a peaceful town, until the Octo-Bandits came around. Eight tentacled alien outlaws on horses they rid' lead by the cephalopod sidewinder BILLY THE SQUID! That pistol-packing polypoid sure meant business and the townsfolk became sushi, as they offered no resistance.

At The Bar During The 1970's

She tossed her hair back as she replied to the older stranger “Venus, what’s yours?”

“Venus? The goddess of love, out of all names...” he said as he shook his head.

“Mine is Neil Armstrong, and...” as he went on explaining; “I’ve stepped where my footprints would never be erased.”

Ode to a Fat Brat

This is the tale of Timothy Tate, a child too vile to contemplate. Obese, belligerent and rude, young Timmy was obsessed by food. As if afflicted by a curse, his appetite grew more diverse. Despite his parents frosty stares he’d often gnaw through legs of chairs….

Oh, He died? Nobody cares.

9-1-1

He just stood there staring at her motionless body. Blood painted the whole kitchen floor. A video of what just happened kept running through his mind. It had been an accident. He’s always had aggressive thoughts towards her but never before had he acted on them. Regret fills his mind.

Open up

He sits in his room staring at the package. It’s a relief that it got here since he’s been waiting for it for a long time. He gets in or he doesn’t, it’s as simple as that. He grabs the package and opens it. He calls his friends to celebrate.

Lonesome

He closes the door and turns on a light. He brushes his teeth to get the taste of Heineken off his mouth. A shower ensues followed by a sandwich to calm the munchies. The bed feels as confortable as ever. Tonight it just feels to big for just one person.

Quit

He enters the office and closes the door behind him. His boss looks at him with pity filled eyes while he takes a seat. Silence fills the room. He looks like shit cause of little sleep and even less showering. Before his boss speaks he stands and says, “I quit.”

Friend Zone

Edith picks Sasha up for their weekly movie date. She wears her sexiest clothing and best perfume. Edith talks about the movie and Sasha pretends to be listening. Her attention is elsewhere. This is the night she makes her move. The car stops and Sasha kisses Edith. Edith is stunned.

Strangers

They sat in front of each other for hours; both hoping the other one would have the balls to make the first move. Their eyes met for the hundredth time and courage filled him. Just as he opened his mouth he noticed the ring in her finger, packed, and left.

Dirty Business

An archaeologist who visited the museum regularly would always stand and look at the bookshop after the entrance. He approached the owner who refused all his lucrative deals. The archeologist used his connections, changed the museum entrance and exit locations, and then opened a gift shop on the opposite wing.

Rituals

He drank his coffee slowly, deliberately. In contrast, each drag of his cigarette was hasty, harsh. He felt there was no pageantry in pills or cocaine, like there was in filling a syringe. A high was a high for him. His only concern was in making each pursuit his own.

Incentives

The teacher slept poorly in the winter months. Running the heater was impractical on a teaching salary. Her wards noted the bags under her eyes and were unsettled by the reason for her unrest. “Ms. Gold, you need to get Section 8 housing, we keep the heater running all night.”

A Common Tale

After the victory, the six leaders of the revolution were treated like royalty abroad. They arrived by a corporate chartered G6, wearing the military garb generously donated by imperial powers. Parades ensued. A month later only one was alive to tell about it, because there can only be one king.

Meat Ball Sandwich Italian Bread

This guy is a daily customer. By now he’s found the perfect order, with the right bread and toppings. In the past he has unknowingly wasted many opportunities to markup his order for just an extra dollar difference. So becoming this good at ordering did not come easy to him.

To buy the T.V. or not

At the electronics store, his thoughts are racing. “A laptop with Internet is all I need,” he's thinking to himself. Instantly another thought interferes; “National Geographic and the Discovery Channel can’t be watched on a computer screen”. One of his thoughts wants it more so he swipes his card.

Five Minutes of Heaven

He was only eleven when he witnessed his older brother’s murder. His mother couldn’t handle her grief and forever blamed him for not “stopping” the reckless, teenage rebel from killing her son. He’d forever blame himself too; until thirty years later when he met him: his brother’s murderer.

How to Write a 50 Word Story

Beginning: The part of the story where setting and characters are introduced.

Middle: This makes up the bulk of the story. Conflict develops and action rises. The approaching climax begins to feel proto-orgasmic.

End: Here is where the idiot writer fucks it up, adds a clever twist, and everyone dies.

Subterfuge

I cut my teeth. The end. Everything else would be expository and, truthfully, needless. The nature of the story, though lacking in plot, tension, and notable character development, is actually one of brutal hardship and the vanquishing of adversity. It is a tale for the ages, and thus, thoroughly timeless.

I'm Sorry You're Dying Slowly

A girl I know has cancer. I guess that’s not very funny. She’s grown sickly and stale in the past few months. Her cough seems to be exaggerated, like she’s performing for us. I was never really friends with her, and I guess there’s not much reason to start now.

Postcards from the Other Side

Red Cloud Road runs down a lonely strip of scorched earth. Remains of unknown violence litter the shoulder as the Exploding Boy walks into the horizon. His life ended minutes ago, viscera and thick sinewy veins hang off his body. The poor stupid child – another casualty in the Age of Idiocy.

Dis.tension

A pretty young girl walks into a room. For a time, she lives in that room. She walks out a beaten old lady. Why has this happened? Think like a riddle unraveling to reveal an answer that is universal. In the room, the woman found an electric switch, but shocks no one.

Employee of the Month

There he was. Her eyes got watery. She got up from her desk, legs barely budging, heart in her throat. She took a deep breath of air and tapped his shoulder. She finally had the courage. “I quit”, she whispered to the man.

Story of She's

There was that one girl that made her tingle. She’d flirted here and there with her. But of course, that was the girl that every lesbian lusted so she didn’t really know if the girl liked her. Until she got that ‘promiscuous’ text saying: come meet me. And she did.

Another Affair

Her boss was really sexy, she thought. Six months later (she had a boyfriend and he had made up with his ex) office party ended up in a “kissing naked in the closet” type of dance. She played the “booty call” girl, for two years and then he got married.

Jail, Love and Other Stuff

Carrie had never seen him before. She felt her heart skip a beat. He had to be the best looking inmate she’d ever seen-, which she'd seen a lot, as Correctional Psychologist. She rapidly scribbled a note and put in under his plate on the tray that would be taken to him: “I want you”.

Green Shoots

A bag of onions catch fire and the world stops to watch. For weeks the onions burn in the streets, forcing all passing by to cover their eyes and take cover. Even as the flames die down, the world quickly forgets how one onion can make a man, and a nation.

Monthly Scare

It seemed like she was always late, and every time, I swear my heart stopped in my chest. Of course, it always worked out in the end. Of course, even if it didn’t, we would’ve made it work. Shit, that sounds terrible. What I meant is, we would’ve loved her.

The Career

He added the wallets and poker money to his grab, packed a small bag and walked until he found a Ford with the keys in it. He headed toward downtown and the bus terminal. He would need a clean car with papers. and guns. This time he'd do it right.

After the Bank Job

He found himself thinking of Cait Malone. Saturday night he would bed her, first thing. Before talking, and whatever demands she had to make, before any business at all. Do it right away, because there might be bitterness later, and he wouldn't want it spoiled by bitterness. This wasn't love.

The Murder

Her name was Jackie, she had always been rich and never had a problem that wasn't fashionable. That much Richard knew about her. That and the fact that in bed she showed a panther craving brutality. Her expression surprised him. Not fear or astonishment but breathless. Expectant. She wouldn't tell.

The Crime

It wasn't the first time he had done it. It wasn't the last time he would. In the darkness he ran blindly shouting her name. His own voice echoed back to him and he knew he wouldn't reach her in time. She screamed. Once again the toilet seat was up.

Talk show

Audience applauds. Host enters. Smiles. Sincerly complements the audience on strength of thier applause. Audience applauds louder. Host sarcastically states he is not worthy of such a warm reception. Audience applauds louder. Host now questions the sincerity of the applause. Audience applauds louder. Host runs offstage, questioning his self-esteem.

Mission Impossible... NOT!

The phone battery dying out meant I was going to be completely cutoff abroad.

Steady hands finally got the touchy charger working.

Sweat dripped off my forehead as the battery was filling up.

All limbs and solid objects helped sustain position.

With that concentration I could have defused a bomb.

Devolution of Choice

Walking through the wild he passes by a tree on fire. The smoke makes him cough and instinctually choose to change paths. We're centuries later now; he's got fire readily available in his pocket, also complemented by a pack of cigarettes. It's become a valid choice to directly inhale smoke!

"Excuse me while I kiss the sky "

It is taken for granted. We sing about without really thinking about it. Faraway, always there and by some it's been called "the limit". People feel the need to escape the city, subconsciously because they want to get more in touch with it. But we still forget it's even there.

Disjecta Membra

She wore red shoes on a May day. Lipstick to match, perhaps. I can remember little more than scattered pieces, fragments, but her desperation paralleled my own. “Evil does not exist,” she would assume, while spritzing fine French perfume. “Everything means something,” she would say, before softly walking away.

Death in Slow Motion

A beast by any other name would still be a rose, and a mongrel this sweet could only be asleep. Groans beat a growl, so not prone to cry foul. And when the sound and the fury crash at the door, I can only pray that he’ll sleep some more.

2012 Overture

Distantly, bombshells go off in staccato like a Tchaikovsky orgy. As the world burns, we clutch hands, staring out over the great divide that once bisected. We know now the shame of that squandered; the deceit that brought us here. We know now how to make love in the fire.

Parisian Rendezvous

The ruffles on her dress where dancing to Chopin’s symphony, as she ran down Avenue Montaigne on a particularly windy Parisian afternoon. It was a bit early, or late, to be wearing a couture nightgown; but she did her walk of shame proudly, he was worth it, she thought, smiling.

Storms

Talk of the weather is tedious unless it’s not. Unless talk of anything else endangers life and limb. My bayou is familiar with this talk. With the talk and the necessary actions that follow. Regardless, I'm not leaving. Not after last time. God willing, there will be a next time.

Mission Impossible

He slowly opens the bathroom door and peeks inside. It’s empty. He rushes to a stall and drops his pants. Just as he’s about to liberate himself the bathroom door opens and someone walks into the stall to his left. A single word keeps running through his mind nonstop; “crap!”

Choices

His indecision is unbearable. She was hoping the new hair color would get her more attention from clients. His eyes keep moving from her to the other girl and back. She looks as he drives away with the other girl and thinks; “Damn it, I should have gone with blonde.”

Blind Date

She wonders what he looks like. “The thong and high heels are uncomfortable but he’s totally worth it…I hope,” she says to herself. Images of what could be run through her mind and she smiles. He presents himself and takes a seat. She immediately regrets the thong and shoes.

Sweetness

The line is too long and the coffee is not that good. There’s no open seat and his feet hurt from the trip there. He looks at the door and contemplates leaving. “Excuse me sir, what would you like?” she asks. He looks at her and realizes she’s worth it.

At least it's not tampons

He walks into the pharmacy with a purpose. Relief is felt with the realization that the aisle is clear. He nervously puts the box between two magazines and walks to the nearest available cashier. Words and cash are exchanged. He leaves with joy in his heart and condoms in hand.

Secret

He hates himself for always ending up here. Tequila was a bad choice. He goes to the kitchen and takes some aspirin for the headache. “I’m dead if somebody finds out about this shit,” he thinks. A half naked man appears and says; “your phone is ringing, it’s your wife.”

I Think About You Until I Don't

I slept next to the most beautiful girl last night, but that was years ago. Long blonde hairs still hold court atop my pillow, sheets beside me feel snug and as my emotional health collapses under sitting stones I shift gears, to consider a bon voyage at full speed. Love me crazy. Drive me far.

A Sycophant Walks Into a Bar...

Passé postmodern dysphoria overwhelms me. Something the 80’s would look like if overrun by Soviet bikers, a boxy barroom presents itself -- hovels and flophouse fantasies come to mind, but my nerves gag a little. I feel uneasy, slightly off kilter, but engaged, heightened, and perhaps, ready for something wholly unknown.

Five Seconds

She felt the strong gust of wind as the truck flew by, and gazed at the space where her dad had just been standing. Nothing was there. “Fuck”. Chills crept down her spine. Twenty-five feet ahead, she saw the immobile figure lying on the hot cement.

Burmaniac

There is a motif here, and it’s one of confusion.

I think this is the future. It’s very sticky, and Indo-Chinese.

Soaring pagodas more that 50 stories tall cut through the brown fog of humanity.

In the future, there is no resolution, and we all wear masks.

Neighbours

The doorbell rang and it wasn't a dream. Begging all his five senses, he hardly made it to the peephole.

On the other side of the door stood a man looking hungover, with an empty cup in his hand and a cigarette held behind his ear.

Clearly both needed coffee.

Press Play

Press Play

She had the ticket, had the plans, the family to visit and a ton of things to do there. It made sense. So off she went putting her life, fiancée, job, and friends on pause- just for a few weeks. And then she met him: the guy who pressed play.

The Relationship

The resemblance was inescapable. Anyone who knew them both took note of the similarities in their Irish blue eyes, booming voices and impressionable shoulders. They even had the same cadence, in that way fathers and sons often do. They hugged when they met, and they spoke once more after that.

Murder

There was a smell of blood in the air, with a hint of sweat; It turned him on, he didn’t understand why, but it only reassured him how fucked up he actually was. A blond detective entered the crime scene and asked him what his name was: “Dexter”, he responded.

Tenismo

Of the fourteen eunuchs sharing the bedroom, only three felt something was missing. From those three, only one, Juan Pablo, dared to speak up. “Am I less of a man, today?” he would ask. “Yesterday,” his roommates would say, “you were but a boy. Tomorrow, the game will end, set and match.”

Palmae

She was torn into two pieces. Her once sturdy bark was chipping away, until she hurt. Her evergreen leaves ripped into pieces while her unbranched stem tried to hold on to the vulnerable sand between her roots. She hurt ‘til she felt numb, and finally let go of her last coconut.

New Sous

He diligently prepared for the interview. Reading and rereading the formulas, editing his notes until the only legible words appeared on the margins. He shook hands, took note of the heat, and took hold of the blade. It was duller than expected, but no one said it would be easy.

Rats on the Rails

Trains. I know this had everything to do with trains. Smooth, transcendent, there is an air of unease in the sputtering hum of the passing rail cars from the streets far below. A girl of no distinction passes by as my breath stutters. The oncoming fear is cause for alarm.

The Spherical Sorceress

Hopelessly I was turning away to leave the beach.

There it was coming my way, and with every spin it brought hope for what I'd been longing for.

Some one asked "you want to play?"

I dropped my backpack and asked "which way are we shooting?"

They called me Egypt.

Goodbye

She stood next to him knowing what he was going to say, her eyes where full of tears but it didn’t matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t utter a single word; goodbye, he said, as he grabbed his bags and walked out the door, never to be seen again.

Cir cum vention

Three young boys, dark in tone, stare at me intently from their squatting stance, eyes sunken and removed, probably thinking about the source of their next meal, and hopefully not about the odd Ausländer standing before them. I hold my gaze with the smallest one, trying to feel empathy, before totally pulling away.

Chewy

She could forget about him ever cooking, cleaning or hanging up his towel. He never took her to dinner, though he occasionally joined her for lunch. He was selfish in bed and would often hump her friends. But he never lost his puppy eyes and she lived for his licks.

Welcome, welcome!!!!

50 words... and go!